Ytd I had a sucky nite. No one wanna acc me go KL to watch Golden Awards, so I stayed at home to watch the live streaming on ntv7 webby. A grp of us watching online, so I created a thread in forum to share our tots.
When e camera shoot past Zzen, we scream like mad! It was as if we c him in person. He was SUPER good looking ytd.
He was nominated for "Most Popular Male Actor" and "Best Male Actor" but he didnt win any of e awards. I was super upset. I cried when I noe he didn't win e "Most Popular Male Actor" award. I cried reallie hard. Lotsa cursing can b found in e forum. It's reallie damn irritating! We spent so much of our time n effort to spam e votes but still didn't manage to help him win e award. I can cfm NTV7 play cheat! Dey wun allow Mediacorp artistes to win de. NTV7 sux!
Tis is e first time I feel tt Zzenzation is so bonded. I love how everyone came tgt bcos of Zzen. I reallie love tis kinda feeling. Tis is wad I can nv find in DAInamics. When we nid everyone effort to support Dai, all disappeared. Thx god, Zzenzation is much more lovable.
Anw I was sumhow glad tt tis incident allowed me to uds myself more. I didn't noe I wuld cry for Zzen. I didn't noe I love him tis much. Perhaps next year Star Awards I wuld reallie support Zzen wholeheartedly and wun b torn between two.
It has been almost half a year that I hv been avoiding tings related to e man I love e most.
Perhaps u might tot tt e man I love e most is Dai, nope tts nt true. It's normal for u to misunderstand, cos I myself also misunderstood tt Dai has replaced him. I reallie tot aft dese few mths tt I havent been looking into tings related to him, n oso putting so much attention to Dai, Dai has replaced him, but it doesn't seems like it. No matter how much attention I hv been putting on Dai, occasionally I still tink of him. Whenever I tink of him, I will cry. I meant tt I reallie cried hard. It's ridiculous tt I hv nv meet tis man in my real life but he is able to drive me crazy. Frens ard me tot tt I'm reallie insane n were reallie worried abt me. I'm sori tt I've caused dem to worry so much abt me but feeling is sumting u culdn't control.
Since 23 Apr 2007, I've fall in love wif tis man, Akanishi Jin, Jap singer. He debuted in 22 Mar 2006 with another 5 members as a group, KAT-TUN. I reallie tink it's fated tt I wuld fall in love wif him. I've nv been interested in Jap industry. My sis used to admire a few Jap idols, but tt time I laughed at her n said "Dun b silly to like Jap idols, dey r so far away, u can't even c dem, hear dem or touch dem in real life."
One day my sis told me tt she went to her fren hse n e TV was playing a Jap gangster drama n dere were alot of handsome actors in it. I noe tt one of my fren does watch Jap drama, so I described tis drama to her n she passed e drama discs to me. She is unsure whether tt is e drama tt my sis is toking abt but tis show reallie hv quite a few handsome actors in it. I brought it hm n watched it wif me sis, "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! It's tis show!!!" Indeed, my sis has a gd taste, dey r quite gd looking. The first scene tt Jin appeared in already attracted my attention. To me it's gd drama, n I quite like e actor but I dunno who he is so I didn't bother much abt it. Den one dae in sch, I took e newspaper which was left on e table by sumone n read it. "Ah! Isn't tis e guy?!" He appeared in e newspaper n e title was "Bad boy Jin rejoins band." I hv owaes like bad boys so e word "bad boy" reallie draws my attention to it. Frm e article, i got to noe a little info abt him n I went to e internet n searched abt him.
Here is e first vid tt I hv watched:
I was v impressed wif his high pitch. I melted e moment I hear it. Doesn't it sound beautiful? Hees.
Jin has reallie brightened up my life. Aft noeing Jin, I hv learnt how to laugh. Whenever it's abt Jin, I'll definitely reveal a smile. It's onli until last yr, sept, I cried v v v hard. It's e first time I was mad upset wif him.
R u able to accept e man u love doing tis? Even if u noe tis is jus for work? I can't. I seriously can't. In 2008, Jin's buddy, Yamapi, did a shot for the mag, Anan. When I saw it, I was praying hard tt Jin wun b e nxt one on tis mag. But I guessed god didn't hear my prayer. When I saw e photo on e internet, I cried v v v hard. Tts e first time I cried in front of my family. Dey tot wad happened tt can make me cried so hard. When my sis noe e reason for me crying so hard, she gave me a disgusted look. She reallie tinks tt i'm insane. e reason I cried was bcos I dun wan to share my hubby's body wif e whole world female! At tt pt of time, my tot is "He is onli mine!". Yupp, it's crazy, but tts how much I love him.
I took abt a mth time b4 I recovered frm tis hurtful incident n I continued loving him. Den half a yr ago, he hurt me agn.
KAT-TUN has finally decided for an Asia concert tour, n I was v excited abt it cos I tot I can finally see him. But tt man wasn't gg to joined e members in e concert tour. He is gg to LA to hv his solo concerts n KAT-TUN decided to continue e concert w/o him. Jin is v into western culture. He even went to LA for half a yr to study aboard. Till nw, he is still into western culture. When he chose to go LA for his solo concerts instead of joining KAT-TUN for deir first Asia concert tour, all e fans started badmouthing abt him. I dun even dare to step into e forum to tae a look cos it reallie hurt me alot seeing fans badmouthing e man who i loved e most. I decided to stop seeing his news until his solo concerts is over.
But aft his concerts ended, dere came another shocking news. Tis news was told by my fren, cos I didn't go into e forum at all. I broke dwn when I heard "Jin is outta KAT-TUN." Jin's agent, Johnny, annouced tt Jin will b cont his career in LA n KAT-TUN will nt wait for him. Frm nw on, KAT-TUN is no longer 6 persons. Tell me, how am I gg to accept tis news? To me, KAT-TUN has to b 6 persons, 缺一不可. KAT-TUN isn't KAT-TUN anymore if dere isn't 6 persons. KAT-TUN is made up of e 6 members name, Kamenashi, Akanishi, Taguchi, Takana, Ueda n Nakamaru. Dey each represents an alphabet in e grp name! How can dey kicked Jin outta KAT-TUN n still called demselves KAT-TUN?! It's ridiculous! KAT-TUN is nothing w/o Jin. I was v angry at KT-TUN, dey said, dey r ok to b w/o Jin. U guys r members, soulmates, best frens, how culd u said tt to hurt Jin? KAT-TUN was formed in 2001, Jin has be wif dem for 10 yrs n dey said dey r ok w/o Jin. Dey broke Jin's hrt, dey broke my hrt. I culdn't accept e fact tt Jin is outta KAT-TUN. I run awae frm e reality. I was such a coward.
W/o KT-TUN, will Jin b happy? Will he b ok? He is owaes quiet when he is in front of camera, onli wif his members he will b more comfortable. I'm so worried for him but I shld hv confident in him. But I gonna miss all dose times when KAT-TUN was together as one.
I gonna miss how he bullies his members:
How mean he was to his members:
How dey love to disturb each other's solo part in e concert:
e moments i'll miss e most is akakame moments. Akame is made up wif AKAnishi + KAMEnashi. It's a couple nick for dem. I love how dey interact wif each other. Dey r jus like a couple to me. A lovely couple tt meant for each other. I wasn't jealous of tt cos I noe Jin is v happy when he is wif Kame.
Lovely Akame moments:
Tinking of all dese wonderful moments tt wun happen agn drain awae all my strength. I was so afraid to lose dem tt I run awae frm e news. Act like I hv nv heard e news at all.
I dunno y Jin chose LA over KAT-TUN. I was reallie upset by his decision. But when dere is love, dere is forgiveness.
I tink half a yr of running awae frm e reality is long enuf. I shld face e reality nw. It's hurtful but it's e fact. I reallie miss my man alot n decided tt I shld go back to him.
Tis event was held on a weekday, I took AM leave to attend tis event. Dere were quite a few stars dere but only 2 FC went, Dai's FC n Jeanette's FC. I'm glad we hv e most num of fans. Hees.
His pose is so simple but so attractive!!! *faint*
Is he pouting?! So cute! Hehe.
Love his smile!!!
HUAT AHH~ He is so cute when he said that.
When he boarded e bus, i went to e side n knocked on e window to get his attention. Once he looked over, I did e hrt shape sign agn. He smiled sweetly when he sees tt! Hehe. U noe, when dere is a glass inbetween e people, dey will normally put deir hands tgt rite? Ours is different. lols. He showed me his fist, act like he wanna punch me lidat. So I showed him my fist too. Haha. Instead of hands, we used fists. Lols.
Here is vid:
Cos of him, I'm on mag again. Jus pray tt Zzen doesn't see it. (Click on the pic to have a bigger view)
He is finally back from Shanghai! It's suppose to be a happy occasion but iWeekly spoiled my mood.
My heart culdn't tae it. It hurts badly.
However, e moment I saw him, I culdn't hide my excitement cos I missed him just too much. I did a hrt shape sign using my hands. He saw it n he smiled shyly, nt forgetting to give a light nod to acknowledge it. Hees. It's e first time I showed my love to him so openly, I jus culdn't hide animore.
I was feeling great but the fans took out the iWeekly n get him to sign. Owwww. The pain came back. I culdn't stand e pain, so I walked away n stand at a corner. I tried calling Sharon n wanted to pass e phone to Dai for him to wish Sharon gd luck in her exam e nxt day. She didn't pick up my call.
Suddenly, Dai was standing in front of me. He stroked my hair n said "我先走了。" I was stunned by his action. He NEVER did tis to ani fan before (nt tt i noe of)! I was too shocked tt I culdn't response to him.
Sharon returned my call, I picked up but I was still in shock, I culdn't reallie ans her. All I culd said was "I call u back ltr."
Dai boarded e cab, he even turned n waved gd bye to us. So swt of him.
I culdn't slp tt nite, I was pondering y he did tt to me. It's kinda impossible for an idol to do tis to a fan. So wad am I to him? I guess he treated me like a little sis. N e tot of it jus made me so upset. I dun wan to b his sis but his girl!
I consoled myself tt even if he onli treats me like a sis, as compared to e others, I'm special to him. At least tis tinking wun hurt me tt much.
If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.
Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.
She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.
She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to has many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dare to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.
Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone , she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".
She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.
She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.
She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad , be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.
You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let her talk alone, if you do she will leave.
She has many type of jobs because she beliefs what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.
If she is mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay Back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.
I was so nervous today. I was actually trembling with fear when I was on my way to airport. I dunno how should I face him. I dunno whether he has read my msg. I dunno whether will he ignore me. I have so many questions in my mind while we were waiting for him to arrive.
He came. He walked towards the fans and all of them gather near him. I dun dare to go over. I just remain as when I am and look at him from far. He walked towards the check-in counter and saw me alone. He looked very concerned and asked “你为什么一个人站在这里？”I dunno how to ans him, so I just shook my head and he went ahead to check-in with Anollec and Elaine following him. I just stood there looking at him. The rest of the fans was at another side.
After he has check-in, he walked towards us. He looked at me and signal me to join the rest, so I walked over. The moment I was beside him, he asked “生气啊？”I dunno how to ans him, I just keep shaking my head. He wanted to explain, but I stopped him. Then he asked “要不要听我解释？”Of cos I want! I have been waiting for him to explain! So told him “要。可是可以不要在那么多人面前说吗？”He replied “好。” and told the fans to wait for him. He dragged me aside and explained to me. He said I have misunderstand his meaning because of the different tone of msg being passed. He gently rubbed my arms and said “不要哭了”.
I feel so touched. If he doesn't kare about me, he wun even bother to explain to me. But he didn't ignore me, instead he approached me and explained to me. Really wanna thanks Anollec for telling him about this. Sis, I really appreciate your help! Without you, I might still be crying over it. Thanks so much!
After explaining, we joined the rest and chatted. He asked me what's my age, so I asked him to guess. He guessed 18 and of cos i thank him for that! Then he asked whether I'm just younger than him by a few years. I nodded but didn't tell him my actual age. 女人的年龄是秘密嘛。呵呵。
Cute mahs? Haha. I'm wearing Dai's specs! Hees. So lucky of me, right? Lol. I wiped the specs with tissue before I return to him. Who noes he saw when I was wiping it and he said “不用抹啦，我不会介意的，我又不是gay.” So cute of him la. How I wish I was brave enough to tell him “我知道你不是gay啊，因为我要嫁给你！”Hahaha.
He is in super gd mood that day. I love to see him smile.
So cute, so cute, so cute!!!
Serious face.. Talking about investment matter..
He has that arrogant look here, I love it.
HuiSi took photos with him on different side, so I said i want too. Know what he said? “不认输的小孩。”我是不认输啊，但我不是小孩了啦。都已经能嫁给你了呢，哼。=P
This is my fav pic of all. Loves.
After taking photos, we walked towards the gate. While walking, he asked “你是不是很容易哭？”And I replied “是因为你我才会哭耶。”Then he just smiles.
I asked when will he be back, he said mid july. He dun wan to let us noe because he dun wan us to cum and fetch him. I told him I want to go and fetch him because I will miss him. He replied “想我就再部落格多留言。”He is giving me permission to flood his blog's comments. Haha.
I also asked him whether he read my previous letter for him, he said he read it and asked me what i want to ask. Haha. He sure knows I have lotsa qns. Lol. I said “我是要问你，照片好看吗？”He replied “我的蛮帅的，你的ok啦。”and everyone laughed. So thick skin lor. But... He is really handsome! Hees.
Before he left, he said “不要再哭了leh，我心里已经很难过，你哭我的心会痛的leh。”So sweet of him! I melted on the spot! How can I not love him? I gonna miss him like mad!
Video taken by Anollec:
Went party world with 2 dearies, Angela and Sharon.
A song from Angela and me to Zhen Huan and Dai (very awful voice of mine):
This is the first time I went singing but I can't sing any sad songs! I was smiling all the way while singing. A very very happy day!
Dai and Yuan Shuai went for recording at 6pm. HuiSi was at the radio gate and she saw Dai. She called for a few times but I didn't notice it because my phone was on silent mode. When I saw so many missed calls, I panicked and quickly call her back. She said she wanted to pass the phone to Dai, but I didn't answer the call. Tears rolled down my cheeks. How silly I was to leave my phone on silent mode! It was the first time I have so many missed calls and it's the most important moment. Sigh.
HuiSi told me that Dai ate the cookies we gave him. I was happy to hear that. She also said that she has helped me passed message to Dai, telling him that I miss him. You know what his reply was? "ohhh.. 这个fiona啊，每次都说她很想念我." What does he mean? I interpreted it as it's nothing special that she miss me. I know I might think too much, but I can't help it. He was laughing when he said that lor, and the fans laughed along with him. Does that mean that he takes me as a joke? Do you know how sad I was when I heard that? I controlled my tears because I'm in the public having dinner with my friend. I don't want my friend to worry about me. After we ended the call, I still continue to talk and laugh along with my friend, but in my heart I was already crying.
When I reached home, Anollec called me. She told me not to be upset over it, as I might misunderstood his meaning. I can't help but start crying. I tried so hard to control, but I can't. Tears just keep falling. She told me to tink of those happy times with him. Tinking of the happy times make me cry even harder. On 19 Jun, he just told me he knows that I missed him and he seems to be quite happy over it, but now he is laughing at me for always missing him. I no longer understand him anymore. How much I can still trust him? Now, I don't even know when is he truthful with his words.
I'm feeling so terrible, I just need to get it off my chest. I wrote him a message on his blog and baidu. Hoping he will give me a response.
Bought this cookie for my beloved, Dai. When I gave it to him, I asked him to read the words that were written on the cookie. He read "I will always you." He missed out the "love"! I pointed at the "love" and said “还有这个”. He smiled and looked at me and said "love you", my heart melted immediately!
This is the sweetest bread I've ever ate! Dai afraids that we'll be hungry so he went to buy breads for us! He, himself haven't even eat dinner, but he bought breads for us. So sweet of him!
Look at how cute he is! Hees. We were chatting and he suddenly said “我有看到你在我的部落格写的留言，我知道你很想我。”I replied “嗯。你也要想我哦。” He nodded and replied "好" with a smile. He said he will miss me too! You don't know how happy I was! I felt like I can fly to the sky at that point of time. He is just so sweet!
I looked awful in this pic, but he is so handsome, so I posted it here.
Looked at how much he has sweated! That day was so hot lor, somemore he wore shirt! So 可怜. I was trying my best to fan him but I doubt I got make a diff la. It's the tot that counts, right? Hees.
Group photo with DAInamics.
After event, went dinner with some of the DAInamics. I didn't order any food, I only ate the sweet sweet bread from Dai. Together with Sharon, Angela and HuiSi, we went to eat ice cream! Nice ice cream! On the way home with Sharon and Angela, we chatted all sort of nonsense. Fun girls! Love hanging out with them!
I really have a very wonderful day with Dai!!!
戴，谢谢你！
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I had a wonderful evening with dai. I had a wonderful nite with e gals. but im so tired, let me update e details another day. =P
Met up with a few crazy zzenists for steamboat at Bugis on 5 June, it was an enjoyable day! We ate alot alot and we have lotsa fun chatting and laughing! After dinner, we went to the nearby library to do some stuff for Zzen. It was reallie a fun process while doing it. Haha.
Zzen saw the pictures and video, he was very touched by all of you! Thanks to those who attended the events and put in your effort when doing things for Zzen. I really appreciate it! Loves.
